You are supposed to be my person!!!!

#love#heartcatalog#writting-expression#20ish#

You are supposed to be my person” one of the most famous line from Greys Anatomy if you are a fan,but in real life you were supposed to be my person,you were supposed to come through like no other..

My person,thats a big ass honor to bestow on another person but i gave you the honors,because its you..They say how people treat you is a reflection of how they see you and i say amen to that,because in the end love is just a four letter word without actions,and like the age long proverb says action speaks louder than words,so loud even the dead can hear

You were supposed to be my person…Because i have always been yours,i’d pull out the moon and the stars just to get to you in time..when it comes to you i’d drop anything and pull up for you if need be… Because its you,its always been you..

Do you know that feeling the one that makes your tummy drop and your heart stop,that little whisper in your ears that you go harder for someone more than they do for you,and maybe just maybe love them more than they love you..sad but true.I wish for once you will be my person!!!

Advertisements

When people say”sure tell me”you should be skeptical!!

#writing-expression# #life#

People do not wanna know shit that’s the biggest lesson I have learnt at 20..they honestly don’t..Have you noticed no body genuinely says how they feel when they are asked the question “how are you”..They say fine.. Even if their dad just lost his job.. They say am good.. Even if they are slipping of the edge due to depression.. They say am alright,am fine, am great.. You know why they have learnt the hard way that people do not really give a ratass about what’s happening to you.. But you see its already very complicated inside my head so when you ask me how are you.. I tend to say the truth.. I don’t feel good today.. I feel badly affected by some shit that went down.. Am very tired and I feel weird. I unload if u r ready to listen.. But the ultimate lesson I have learnt is people will pretend to listen just to gather dirt on you.. And laugh at you behind your back. You see I really don’t mind the laughing.. Because in fooling me you have obviously fooled yourself too.. I thought u wise enough and I genuinely took ur offer,and I had this blindtrust..its just sad to see that you are yet one of the people who give humanity a bad name..And it’s not okay but what can a girl do about it? 

So the next time some says yeah sure what’s going on with.. Please be a skeptic and keep your shit to yourself until u find someone matured enough to unload to. 

I think life is about living in the present!!!!

#writting-expression##inspiration##20ish#

In the wake of the natural disasters and mass shootings that has claimed the life of innocent people around the world , I have decided to pen my most thoughtful piece yet.. As I sit in the living room watching the news on CNN, as they share intricate details on the killer and his motives, there is a brief flash reports of the fallen 59,right there I see girls…young girls… 19,20,21years old dead, gone and I keep thinking to my self that could have been me..

I think life is about living in the present,that is the only way we get to have any genuine from of happiness..its about loving the people that love you now, it’s about caring wholeheartedly for others without a semblance of guilt or fear.. It’s about appreciating anyone and any moment while they still exist and while it’s happening..

It’s about taking time to truly enjoy the company of your loved ones, it’s about taking a minute to recognise someone else’s magic other than yours..its about been less selfish and more thoughtful.         It’s about realizing that this life we live is a one way ticket,you don’t get no do overs..so do good and light up a life while you still can. 

It’s about holding your family and friends  alittle tighter when you hug them, taking a minute to appreciate the fact that they are warm and you can feel their warm breath at the base of your neck.its about telling people you love them while you still have the chance. It’s about giving help to people who cannot afford to help you back. its about being a good person not because people deserve it, but because you are good natured like that. 

I know sometimes we often think about the past and how good we had it and it makes us ignore everything that is going on in the present.. It shouldn’t be like that tho, it’s called the past for a reason.. You should forget the past,worry less about the future and live in today.. The present.. Catch your breath.. Enjoy the simple joys in life and stop making life so complicated.. We are not gonna get out of it alive anyway

The weird but undaunting truth is that some of us will live long full lives, yet some of us will not..Like my mum always says tomorrow is not promised my dear girl, and for real it’s not..shower alittle longer, hug alittle tighter,kiss alittle slower, laugh alittle harder, cry alittle more, and be the light to someone else’s darkness.

My thoughts and prayers go out to victims and survivors of the Las Vegas massacre..And also to the heroic men and women who stood in harms way just to save others,you are the good,this world needs..keep putting out that good energy  ..i know it’s hard right now, but y’all will all get through this.                                 

                           Love…

                         Curiousoj. 

A Letter to the real ones.   

#writing expression ##20ish#

Real recognizes real as the saying goes, because energy doesnt lie.. You see when you are with a real one y’all vibe on the same frequency and just like physics the energy expended is equaled to the energy consumed.

This is a letter to the ones who know that you are full of crap and they still love you that way, to the ones who never let you drink alone, because they know drinking alone is depressing and saddening.                To the ones who listen to you cry over the same boy for months and they can’t even get mad at you even if they warned you that he was full of shit

This is for the ones you call at 2am because you are drunk and alone and you are crying about Andrew that broke your heart in highschool.This is for the ones who know that you are a raging lunatic when you get your period,you talk alittle too much and lament like a baby,but yet they can’t find it in them to hate you

This is for the ones who know your blaming your hormones for all the mushy shit you do,acting all tough and strong is just a charade..they know that you are all soft and light but they won’t tell anyone. 

This is for the ones who constantly remind you that your relationship with God is important but yet do not go all Judge Judy on you when you make shitty life choices, even when you should know better.This is for the ones who remember to say a prayer or two for you because you are always in their hearts 

This is for the ones who knows about your struggle with depression and anxiety and no matter how much you yell go away you can’t fix me, they don’t leave you.. No matter how much they swear they won’t try to fix you they are up all night reading on how to care for a loved one battling depression. 

This is for those people, the ones who will drive you to go get the love of your life.. The ones who know when you say I like my coffee black out loud it is because the hot boy in front of you is buying his coffee black and you want him to check you out. 

To the ones who know you are a mess and yet continue to want to be part of your life, I salute you.. And I appreciate you.. Because people like you make the world a better place.. People like you who can do right in such a wrong world are endearing..

So this is for you. For everyone who has made an effort to be a real one,appreciated or not.. Reciprocated or not.. This is a standing ovation. Keep doing right..keep putting out that good energy. You are highly valued.. Thank you. 

Midnight confession 

#writing expression #20#

Toss and turn,turn and toss i lie awake every night since you been gone..i try to sleep but i can’t..Its like my head and my heart are at war, no one is gonna give room for the other and I am just the battlefield for this epic battle. 

Here I present to you a body filled with my battle scars.. Eye bags, tired eyes,edgyness,..i am a mess and i knows it.. I shouldn’t miss you, I shouldn’t care, I should listen to logic and carry myself with pride… but I miss you too damn much it’s tearing me apart.. I miss your laugh, I miss your face, I miss your voice.. I miss you the you before all this shit happened.i miss you when I hear Charlie puth..i miss you when I hear Travis Scott,i still hate him by the way, but he seems to be the only thing I listen to these days and I don’t know why. 

Do you even miss me??..let me guess the answer is NO.. At least that’s what I tell myself.. I convince my self that if you miss me, you will bulge..if you miss me too you will care.. But you don’t care.. You never did.. And I laugh at myself.. At how pathetic I must look, missing someone that doesn’t give a shit about me..Its official I have fucked myself up again!!!  

You bring out the batshit crazy person in me, I start to tell myself these stories.. So I can cope.. I tell myself of the girl you might have met..Audrey,shes cute and she laughs alot.. She likes Travis Scott and Khalid.. And she flawless.. She not bipolar or weird..shes the right amount of everything..and least I forget she can fly.. and you look at her like she’s magic.. you guys make out in the rain..and you are the happiest you have ever been..   He is happy, he is happy, happy.. Happy.. With perfect little Audrey….I chant the mantra in my head like a war song.. I chant and chant  and I hope it sticks. 

I tell myself these stories to stop me from missing you.. I tell myself these stories to forget about you, just like you forgot about me.. I tell myself these stories to help me go to sleep, because in this story you are sleeping next to perfect little Audrey that can fly.. Tonight it’s Audrey, tomorrow it might be Rose Or Nancy or Jacqueline..oh well whatever helps my crazy tired soul. 

I wish I was Still a Rookie!!                      

#love# #broken# #hot mess#

I wish I was still a Rookie, I wish I was new at it all, you know like a child who was given candy I wish I could be all gidi and excited. 

I wish I didn’t have to overanalyse everthing.. You see I wish I could  kick back relax and let things flow. I wish I could be so open hearted and pure,devoid of any evil intentions.I wish when you say you are  enough I could believe you.. I wish everytime you said something sweet, I didn’t  have to think of the thousands of people you had said it to. 

No.. No.. No I wasn’t a rookie anymore,i was a veteran when it comes to these matters, you see I had be broken,left,right and centre,if I showed you my scars I swear you will weep on my behalf. The truth is that  nobody could articulate a broken heart, soul and spirit better than I could.Nobody could tell tales of pain better than I could

I was a veteran I had done this shit before, time and time again.. Half the time I knew how the story will end while it was just starting out. I had seen it all marriages break, relationships end, I have seen people break other people like they were devoid of human feelings, stonehearted,cold.I had seen people act like love was a mindless game,i have been played and I have played.. I have lost and was tired of wining because love wasn’t a game. 

I wish I was still a rookie, I wish you could have had that,because you deserved that.not this complicated hot mess of a person. 

20 tiny truths you need to know in your 20s. #love# #advice#

1.The world doesn’t revolve around you stop acting like it does

2.You will get lost, and unlost.. Don’t worry love you were meant to be an epic story..

3.You will lose friends, even the people you thought you will never lose get over it. 

4.Things will happen that will test your faith,get ready

5.You are gonna be broke alot, it’s not a horrible thing it means you are actually learning.

6.You will spend your money on unnecessary thing eg in trying to impress people who don’t sweat you. 

7.You are gonna beg some people to stay in your life.. Newsflash they are gonna leave anyway.

8.You are gonna hurt alot, and it’s gonna feel like your heart has been ripped out of your chest. Ehmmmm but your heart is still gonna be there

9.You are always gonna love your first real love always 

10. Drinking and smoking is kinda overrated, if that’s not your scene don’t feel the need to do it.. 

11.Its OK if you are a virgin or celibate..its not a competition to have sex, don’t do cause everyone is doing it

12.Dont be deceived  the media and it’s hook up culture,will have you thinking you can hookup how ever you like.. Ehmmmm thats not entirely true, please respect your body. 

13.Please please and please do use protection and get tested regularly thank you. 

14.You are gonna fail alot.. In school, in relationships,in life generally.. But the important thing Is you are gonna learn. 

15.Just because you did something bad doesn’t make you a bad person, sometimes you will choose your vices over your virtue..and it’s okay you will learn. 

16.Remember change starts with you,its cliche but be the change you wanna see in the world..so if you wanna see kindness be kind

17.You will break your own heart,over and over again.. You will fall into old patterns over and over again.. But youwill finally learn to be strong enough, to say No, and to know what you want

18.Its okay not to have everything all figured out, most people don’t. 

19.keep your friends close and your family closerrrrrr… You will need them to get through the bad days

20.You are not alone, God is always here for you.. You just have to say it, he can hear you.